A Little Secret



"Morning Mist"
B.E. Interiors

 First, a little inspiration for you. I loved how the sun was peeking through this tree out walking one day. Glad I had my ever present camera with me:) Now, down to business. This is not a normal post for me, but for some reason, I have had a nagging feeling I was supposed to write about it and then get back to "normal". So, here goes.

Have you ever had an argument with God? Not a good idea. You know who's gonna win. God and I've had a little "discussion" over the last couple of days. It kind-of went like this:

Me

"Lord, why are my hands and arms hurting so bad? What did I do that has made them so sore?"

God

"You have been painting like a mad woman."

Me

"Yes, but why is my right hand hurting so bad? It's supposed to be fine now."

God

"Your carpel tunnel is back."

Me

"Are you kidding?! Why?"

God

"Remember Paul, in the Bible?"

Me

"Yes. What's that got to do with me?"

God

"Read it. You'll see."

So I did. I also felt like God was telling me to tell you about what I was struggling with, but I didn't want to. Ever tried to tell God, "No"? Doesn't go so well. So, after much prayer and arguing I have decided I should do what I am led to do and quit questioning why. I'll try to make it as short as possible.

Here's the deal. I don't like whining, complaining, or pity parties and the characteristic I despise the most is arrogance (although I am guilty just like everyone else). I want to live by these verses:

"Do everything without complaining or arguing..." Phillipians 3:14

and

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men."
Colossians 3:23.

and

^"Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall." Proverbs 16:18

I've been artistic all my life - since elementary school and art contests. I've never considered myself super talented, but just really enjoyed it and pushed myself to excel (that perfectionist thing...ugh!). That alone is not even worthy of a story. The interesting part (apparently) is that God felt inclined to bestow me with a little "thorn in my flesh".

Every since I can remember, I've stuggled with my hands shaking. As I've gotten older, it's gotten worse...to the point I finally went to neurologist about 8 years ago to make sure I didn't have Parkinson's after a good friend asked if he made me nervous! I stared and said, "NO! Why in the world would you think that?" To which he told me how he'd noticed my hands shaking bad. Great. It'd finally gotten so bad other people noticed. So, I got a little worried and made an appointment to get it checked out.

It's not Parkinsons, but something called Familial Tremors. It's a genetic thing that I was lucky blessed enough to inherit along with my baby brother. It does get worse with age, but there are some medications that help. I don't take any, yet. People don't usually notice it, unless it's really bad and I've learned to hide it fairly well. Drawing has always been a nightmare for me (ironic, isn't it?!), but I learned to hold a paintbrush where I could forget about it.

To top it off, I also inherited another gene. It's the one for Carpel Tunnel Syndrome. I have it in both arms and finally had to have surgery on my right hand about four years ago. Freedom! It was awesome. Lately though, I've noticed it's back. That rarely happens. My tremors have also been worse. This has led to some serious frustration, down time to recover when I've pushed it too far, and conversations with God about why? Why now when I'm actually USING my skills?

Of all the people! What is God trying to get through to me? I can think of no ability I'd rather lose (hardly) than for me to lose the use of my  hands (or eyesight). This is what led to me remembering Paul in
2 Corthians 12:7-8 and opening up to read how God used his unidentified "thorn" to keep him humble. I don't want to admit it, but that could be why he's allowed my carpel tunnel to come back and my tremors to increase. It makes it tough, but I've learned to work around it and it could be so much worse. At least I CAN work around it. He knows me better than I know myself. As much as I don't want to believe or admit it, apparently it would be easy to forget where my gift comes from if I didn't have a constant reminder that I need him to keep on using it. It's his blessing to give and take whenever he sees fit. I want to honor him with every minute he allows me to have it.

Whew!!!! It's out there. So, is there a reason God wanted me to send this out to the blog-o-sphere? Did you need to hear it? Why? Regardless, count your blessings and have a great Monday! There's a before and after coming up later on. Just had to get this one out there first:)

Miss Bee